my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
