After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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