sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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