He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
