its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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