Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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