Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
