I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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