you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
