I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
