I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
