i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
