Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize