she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
