Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
