I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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