I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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