Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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