There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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