All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
