it hurts more in the daytime
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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