Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
