Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
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