I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
