I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
thus making me awesome and them whores
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
