u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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