I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
