Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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