her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
