took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
