i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
