New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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