I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
