If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
