i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
