oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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