Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
