it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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