Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
