I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize