I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize