I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
