She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
