i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think a kid would responsible me up
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
