I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
