Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
