Small penises have feelings too.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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