so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
