2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
