The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
