rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I fill condoms, not promises.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
