Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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