I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize