hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
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