And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
