this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
