I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
