You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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