I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
