I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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