I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
