I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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