his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
