I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
