There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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