i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
