she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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