Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
