idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
