You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
