Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
