I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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