Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
