All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
