We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
