I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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