do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
