Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize