I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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