It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
