The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
