the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize