Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
