If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
