In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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