I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
