Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
