And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
