Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
