apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
